Tikhakdon is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, unfair walrus.

Tikhakdon created dark energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Tikhakdon, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tikhakdon, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Tikhakdon's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tikhakdon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Never think about quantum gravity.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.