Bamzagsand is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, wise jaguar.

Bamzagsand created snails nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bamzagsand, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bamzagsand, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Bamzagsand's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Bamzagsand's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Do not keep nine whales in a large pit.

3. You must pray to Bamzagsand six times a day.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always take life seriously.