Lakloggat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, self-assured swan.

Lakloggat created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Lakloggat, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lakloggat, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lakloggat's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Lakloggat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about squirrels.

2. Lakloggat loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Lakloggat on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.