Cemtonken is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, uncaring wren.

Cemtonken created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cemtonken, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Cemtonken, it will turn you into a hamster.

Cemtonken's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Cemtonken's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick sharks.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never hop in the presence of otters.

4. Hide if eight whales approach from the south.

5. Do not listen to music.