Zimranmil is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, almighty octopus.

Zimranmil created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zimranmil, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zimranmil, he will turn you into a rock.

Zimranmil's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Zimranmil's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near otters while wearing yellow coats and balancing three silver spheres on your neck.

3. Zimranmil must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not take Zimranmil's name in vain.

5. Always wear white.