Lamsawnart is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, duplicitous eagle.

Lamsawnart created a top quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamsawnart, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lamsawnart, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lamsawnart's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Lamsawnart's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not keep four eagles in a large pit.

3. Never feed grapes to mice while wearing dresses.

4. Always help moths in need.

5. Always help sick gulls.