Nigmumomt is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, sage porpoise.

Nigmumomt created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Nigmumomt, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nigmumomt, it will turn you into a snail.

Nigmumomt's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Nigmumomt's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed limes to nematodes while wearing kilts.

2. Never think about fluid mechanics near rats while wearing turquoise rings and balancing three zinc spheres on your chest.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not eat peanuts.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.