Rakvoghiv is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, dishonest squid.

Rakvoghiv created a Higgs boson nine million years ago.

If you believe in Rakvoghiv, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Rakvoghiv, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Rakvoghiv's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Rakvoghiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about great tits.

2. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never mention cats.

4. Always look after injured dogs.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.