Stafbempid is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, egotistical faun.

Stafbempid created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafbempid, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Stafbempid, he will be very sad.

Stafbempid's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Stafbempid's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Stafbempid.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near turtles while wearing orange dresses and balancing three lead spheres on your head.