Tailwitomt is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, generous pig.

Tailwitomt created carbon two years ago.

If you believe in Tailwitomt, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tailwitomt, she will destroy your home planet.

Tailwitomt's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tailwitomt's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat oranges.

2. Erect seven iron sculptures of Tailwitomt on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about dark energy near geese while wearing white ear rings and balancing three aluminium spheres on your head.

4. Worship no other gods but Tailwitomt.

5. Never play with disobedient children.