Hakfithincad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, competent shark.

Hakfithincad created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakfithincad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hakfithincad, he will turn you into a dog.

Hakfithincad's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Hakfithincad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ultrasonics near foxes while wearing gray shoes and balancing four nickel spheres on your neck.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Run away if seven grasshopers approach from the east.

4. Feed all hungry doves.

5. Do not hurt goats.