Zimyargan is a god.

He takes the form of a large, flying swan.

Zimyargan created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zimyargan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Zimyargan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Zimyargan's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Zimyargan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Do not wear carbon on your body.

3. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Zimyargan on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near seals while wearing purple scarves and balancing three titanium spheres on your hands.

5. Do not keep four ants in a large pit.