Tonkfetjam is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, proud pigeon.

Tonkfetjam created tapeworms eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkfetjam, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tonkfetjam, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tonkfetjam's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Tonkfetjam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonkfetjam.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never think ill of sick snails.

4. Hide if six goats approach from the west.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tonkfetjam.