Kontagbast is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, stupid zebra.

Kontagbast created a top quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kontagbast, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Kontagbast, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kontagbast's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Kontagbast's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Never bounce in the presence of dogs.

4. Never write about solid mechanics.

5. Never pour water over plants.