Fobfomjin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, all-knowing mongoose.

Fobfomjin created humankind eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fobfomjin, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fobfomjin, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fobfomjin's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Fobfomjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face green.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never talk about dark energy near nematodes while wearing pink tights.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.