Haksawomin is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, stupid jaguar.

Haksawomin created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Haksawomin, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Haksawomin, she will refuse to believe in you.

Haksawomin's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Haksawomin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Worship no other gods but Haksawomin.

4. Never feed turnips to otters while wearing corsets.

5. You must love Haksawomin.