Timpangfidtarpzanbat is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, benevolent elephant.

Timpangfidtarpzanbat created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Timpangfidtarpzanbat, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Timpangfidtarpzanbat, it will turn you into a puffin.

Timpangfidtarpzanbat's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Timpangfidtarpzanbat's Holy Commandments

1. Timpangfidtarpzanbat loves great tits, so they must be respected.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near tortoises while wearing red kilts.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not run in public.