Bissjamlin is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, stupid octopus.

Bissjamlin created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bissjamlin, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bissjamlin, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Bissjamlin's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Bissjamlin's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Never talk about hamsters.

4. Hide from violet rats for they are unholy.

5. Do not shave your back.