Vonkflapveg is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, emotional jackal.

Vonkflapveg created the planet Saturn three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkflapveg, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vonkflapveg, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Vonkflapveg's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Vonkflapveg's Holy Commandments

1. Vonkflapveg must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never feed lots of onions to horses while wearing red shorts.

5. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Vonkflapveg in the centre of the settlement.