Stiknanpan is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, quiet toad.

Stiknanpan created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Stiknanpan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Stiknanpan, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Stiknanpan's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Stiknanpan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near foxes while wearing green scarves and balancing three carbon spheres on your feet.

3. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

4. Run away from white birds, for they are unholy.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.