Padbotflan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, narcissistic dog.

Padbotflan created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Padbotflan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Padbotflan, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Padbotflan's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Padbotflan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Padbotflan must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not keep six otters in a large pit.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.