Xucmitwig is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, egotistical rat.

Xucmitwig created the solar system three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucmitwig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Xucmitwig, he will turn you into a snail.

Xucmitwig's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Xucmitwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. You must pray to Xucmitwig four times a day.

3. Never wear trousers.

4. Never hurt shrews.

5. Do not drink alcohol.