Kenbunwap is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, tiresome goat.

Kenbunwap created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kenbunwap, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kenbunwap, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kenbunwap's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Kenbunwap's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never think about chlorophyll.

3. Never paint your back violet.

4. Voles are not to be trusted.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.