Figwapciss is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, moody wolf.

Figwapciss created water six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figwapciss, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Figwapciss, she will turn you into a rat.

Figwapciss' most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Figwapciss' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six tapirs approach from the east.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Figwapciss on top of all buildings.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

4. Never think ill of sick pigs.

5. Figwapciss loves squirrels, so they must be respected.