Bonlakbell is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, almighty bat.

Bonlakbell created the Sombrero Galaxy five million years ago.

If you believe in Bonlakbell, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bonlakbell, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bonlakbell's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Bonlakbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near horses while wearing mauve trousers and balancing eight tin spheres on your hands.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Never paint your neck red.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never pour water over plants.