Yarpcitlarn is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, tiresome guinea pig.

Yarpcitlarn created Asia seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpcitlarn, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yarpcitlarn, he will try to impress you with trees.

Yarpcitlarn's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Yarpcitlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near ants while wearing green trousers and balancing six silver spheres on your chest.

2. Never talk about horses.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never eat apples.

5. Never hop in holy places.