Cetminlag is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, egotistical cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Cetminlag created the Andromeda Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetminlag, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cetminlag, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Cetminlag's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Cetminlag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. You must never eat corn.

3. Run away if seven gulls approach from the east.

4. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Cetminlag in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never think about dark energy near aardvarks while wearing white jumpers and balancing six titanium spheres on your hands.