Vonkxuckhak is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, dishonest walrus.

Vonkxuckhak created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkxuckhak, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vonkxuckhak, it will curse you with boils.

Vonkxuckhak's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vonkxuckhak's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near cats while wearing gray jumpers and balancing seven gold spheres on your legs.

3. Do not eat strawberries.

4. Feed all hungry shrews.

5. Never think about galaxies.