Kimnillfig is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, humorless bat.

Kimnillfig created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kimnillfig, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kimnillfig, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Kimnillfig's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Kimnillfig's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never talk about optics near tortoises while wearing mauve stockings and balancing eight gold spheres on your feet.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never talk about fire.