Parkteenbim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, unthoughtful rat.

Parkteenbim created Mount Everest seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkteenbim, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Parkteenbim, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Parkteenbim's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Parkteenbim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never talk about spacetime.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Parkteenbim.

4. Never look at black holes.

5. Do not wear platinum on your body.