Kapsawbomvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, staggering fox.

Kapsawbomvonk created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapsawbomvonk, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kapsawbomvonk, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kapsawbomvonk's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Kapsawbomvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Run away if five aardvarks approach from the north.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never wear white coats.

5. Always pray immersed in water.