Afquatmum is a god.

She takes the form of a large, blissful dragonfly.

Afquatmum created snails three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Afquatmum, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Afquatmum, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Afquatmum's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Afquatmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your back.

2. Always help sick doves.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Retreat if five manatees approach from the north.