Hakmif is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, contented duck.

Hakmif created a quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hakmif, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hakmif, he will laugh at you.

Hakmif's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Hakmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Always help sick pigs.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near nematodes while wearing yellow stockings and balancing three platinum spheres on your hands.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about planets.