Ripbampag is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, astonishing porpoise.

Ripbampag created parasitic wasps six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ripbampag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ripbampag, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ripbampag's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Ripbampag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near mice while wearing red dresses and balancing seven iron spheres on your arms.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Never talk about photosynthesis.