Tofquafcub is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, competent sheep.

Tofquafcub created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofquafcub, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tofquafcub, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tofquafcub's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tofquafcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about enzymes.

4. Always obey Tofquafcub's priests.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tofquafcub.