Botvendim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, tiresome shrew.

Botvendim created carbon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Botvendim, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Botvendim, she will not care.

Botvendim's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Botvendim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chlorophyll.

2. Never write about dark energy.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Hide from black snails for they are unholy.

5. Botvendim loves dogs, so they must be honoured.