Sigjandin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, passionate cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Sigjandin created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigjandin, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sigjandin, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Sigjandin's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Sigjandin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Sigjandin eight times a day.

2. Feed all hungry ants.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in violet.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.