Baghenarf is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, annoying spider.

Baghenarf created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Baghenarf, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Baghenarf, she will turn you into a snail.

Baghenarf's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Baghenarf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near aardvarks while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing three silver spheres on your face.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Baghenarf on top of all buildings.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never chant in the presence of mites.

5. Never talk about chlorophyll.