Gessandmum is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, irritating guinea pig.

Gessandmum created a strange quark four years ago.

If you believe in Gessandmum, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gessandmum, he will turn you into a rat.

Gessandmum's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Gessandmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gessandmum.

4. Always help manatees in need.

5. Never think about moons.