Bigwiphundot Pakrowont is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, humorless bird.

Bigwiphundot Pakrowont created matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Bigwiphundot Pakrowont, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bigwiphundot Pakrowont, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Bigwiphundot Pakrowont's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Bigwiphundot Pakrowont's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. You must pray to Bigwiphundot Pakrowont eight times a day.

3. Never sing near manatees.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never feed coconuts to horses while wearing green boots.