Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, cheerful penguin.

Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap created the planet Jupiter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap's Holy Commandments

1. Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near frogs while wearing turquoise kilts and balancing four lead spheres on your hands.

4. You must love Bitsisdankimsterstipveenkap.

5. Never look at planets.