Kanlarpzim is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, generous unicorn.

Kanlarpzim created energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanlarpzim, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kanlarpzim, it will be mildly annoyed.

Kanlarpzim's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Kanlarpzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of beans to grasshopers while wearing white corsets.

2. Worship no other gods but Kanlarpzim.

3. Never paint your face turquoise.

4. Hide if five ducks approach from the west.

5. Put Kanlarpzim first in all things.