Nurtbellnak is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, quiet hydra.

Nurtbellnak created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtbellnak, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Nurtbellnak, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Nurtbellnak's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Nurtbellnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not shave your feet.