Rakquimnib Flanvenfum is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair crab.

Rakquimnib Flanvenfum created bats four million years ago.

If you believe in Rakquimnib Flanvenfum, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Rakquimnib Flanvenfum, it will curse you with boils.

Rakquimnib Flanvenfum's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Rakquimnib Flanvenfum's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine whales approach from the north.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Rakquimnib Flanvenfum.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not shave your legs.