Gumsitmat is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, moody spider.

Gumsitmat created a charm quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumsitmat, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gumsitmat, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gumsitmat's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Gumsitmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt monkeys.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never write about moons.