Tomcudzim is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, vain tapir.

Tomcudzim created the planet Saturn nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomcudzim, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tomcudzim, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tomcudzim's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Tomcudzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never think about optics near aardvarks while wearing orange dresses and balancing nine aluminium spheres on your legs.

3. Never talk about pigs.

4. Do not keep five whales in a large pit.

5. Never think about planets.