Vogtafkab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unjust parrot.

Vogtafkab created Europe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogtafkab, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Vogtafkab, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Vogtafkab's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Vogtafkab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near horses while wearing red corsets and balancing six carbon spheres on your back.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Vogtafkab on top of all buildings.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

5. Always take life seriously.