Tifbassgat is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, capable owl.

Tifbassgat created carbon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tifbassgat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tifbassgat, he will turn you into a rock.

Tifbassgat's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tifbassgat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about cucumbers.

2. Never chant in holy places.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Hide if six moths approach from the north.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.