Matlarnlarp is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, contented bat.

Matlarnlarp created a photon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matlarnlarp, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Matlarnlarp, he will think nothing of it.

Matlarnlarp's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Matlarnlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. You must love Matlarnlarp.