Tondimlapyarjat is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, proud shark.

Tondimlapyarjat created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tondimlapyarjat, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tondimlapyarjat, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tondimlapyarjat's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Tondimlapyarjat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Tondimlapyarjat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tondimlapyarjat.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.